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Zoolander is a 2001 American comedy flick directed by Ben Stiller and starring Stiller, Owen Wilson and Will Ferrell. It is a satire on the fashion industry, the film was a box office success, and had gained critical acclaim. The movie is remembered for its Famous Funny Zoolander quotes by Derek, Hansel, and Mmagatu. List of Most Funny.

The best quotes from Ben Stiller's 2001 Zoolander movie Zoolander is a 2001 comedy about a clueless fashion model, at the end of his career, who is brainwashed to kill the Prime Minister of Malaysia. Based on a pair of short films, produced and directed by Ben Stiller for the VH1 Fashion Awards television show in 1996.Some of our favorite. Zoolander is a 2001 American comedy film directed by Ben Stiller and starring Stiller, Owen Wilson and Will Ferrell. The film contains elements from a pair of short films directed by Russell Bates and written by Drake Sather and Stiller for the VH1.

• - Derek Zoolander: Well I guess it all started the first time I went through the second grade. I caught my reflection in a spoon while I was eating my cereal, and I remember thinking 'wow, you're ridiculously good looking, maybe you could do that for a career'.
  - Matilda Jeffries: Do what for a career?
  - Derek Zoolander: Be professionally good... (continue)(continue reading)Ben Stiller - Derek Zoolander
  - Matilda Jeffries

• I hear words like 'beauty' and 'handsomness' and 'incredibly chiseled features' and for me that's like a vanity of self absorption that I try to steer clear of.Owen Wilson - Hansel

• “Just because we have chiseled abs and stunning features doesn't mean that we still can't not die in a freak gasolinefight accident.”Ben Stiller - Derek Zoolander

• “Rufus, Brint, and Meekus were like brothers to me. And when I say brother, I don't mean, like, an actual brother, but I mean like the way black people use it. Which is more meaningful I think.”Ben Stiller - Derek Zoolander

• “- J.P. Prewitt: The truth is male models have been assassinating world leaders for over 200 years. Abe Lincoln wanted to abolish slavery, right? Well, who do you think made the silk stockings and powdered wigs worn by our early leaders?
  - Derek Zoolander: Mugatu!
  - J.P. Prewitt: Slaves, Derek. So they hired John Wilkes Booth to do Mr. Lincoln...” (continue)(continue reading)
  David Duchovny - J.P. Prewitt
  Ben Stiller - Derek Zoolander
  - Matilda Jeffries

• “If there is anything that this horrible tragedy can teach us, it's that a male model's life is a precious, precious commodity. Just because we have chiseled abs and stunning features, it doesn't mean that we too can't not die in a freak gasoline fight accident.”
  Ben Stiller - Derek Zoolander

• “- Matilda Jeffries: I became...
  - Hansel: What?
  - Matilda Jeffries: Bulimic.
  - Derek Zoolander: You can read minds?”
  - Matilda Jeffries
  Owen Wilson - Hansel
  Ben Stiller - Derek Zoolander

• “- Derek Zoolander: You mean, you haven't...
  - Matilda Jeffries: Done it in a while, yeh.
  - Hansel: Now, what's a while? Like, eight days?”Ben Stiller - Derek Zoolander
  - Matilda Jeffries
  Owen Wilson - Hansel

• There was a moment last night, when she was sandwiched between the two Finnish dwarves and the Maori tribesmen, where I thought, 'Wow, I could really spend the rest of my life with this woman'.
  Ben Stiller - Derek Zoolander

• “- Derek Zoolander: Or are you here to tell me what a bad eugoogoolizer I am?
  - Matilda: A what?
  - Derek Zoolander: A eugoogoolizer... one who speaks at funerals.
  [Matilda looks at Derek confused]
  - Derek Zoolander: Or did you think I was too stupid to know what a eugoogooly was?”
  Ben Stiller - Derek Zoolander
  - Matilda Jeffries

• “- Derek Zoolander: Why do you hate models, Matilda?
  - Matilda Jeffries: Honestly?
  - Hansel: Yes.
  - Matilda Jeffries: I think they're vain, stupid, and incredibly self-centered.
  - Hansel: I totally agree with you. But how do you feel about male models?”
  Ben Stiller - Derek Zoolander
  - Matilda Jeffries
  Owen Wilson - Hansel

• “- Derek Zoolander: I just wanted to make you proud of me, pop.
  - Larry Zoolander: How? With your male modeling? Prancing around in your underwear with your weiner hanging out for everyone to see?”
  Ben Stiller - Derek Zoolander
  Jon Voight - Larry Zoolander

• “Todd! Are you not aware that I get farty and bloated with a foamy latte?”Will Ferrell - Mugatu

• “You're dead to me, son. You're even more dead to me than your dead mother.”
  Jon Voight - Larry Zoolander

• “I'm sorry that good-looking people like us made you throw up and feel bad about yourself.”Ben Stiller - Derek Zoolander

• “Oh, I'm sorry, did my pin get in the way of your ass? Do me a favor and lose five pounds immediately or get out of my building like now!”Will Ferrell - Mugatu

• “I wasn't like every other kid, you know, who dreams about being an astronaut, I was always more interested in what bark was made out of on a tree. Richard Gere's a real hero of mine. Sting. Sting would be another person who's a hero. The music he's created over the years, I don't really listen to it, but the fact that he's making it, I respect...” (continue)(continue reading)
  Owen Wilson - Hansel

• “- Derek Zoolander: What is this? A center for ants?
  - Mugatu: What?
  - Derek Zoolander: How can we be expected to teach children to learn how to read... if they can't even fit inside the building?”Ben Stiller - Derek Zoolander
  Will Ferrell - Mugatu

• “Who am I?
  [phone rings]
  God?”Ben Stiller - Derek Zoolander

• “Hi Derek! My name's Little Cletus and I'm here to tell you a few things about child labor laws, ok? They're silly and outdated. Why back in the 30s, children as young as five could work as they pleased; from textile factories to iron smelts. Yippee! Hurray!”Will Ferrell - Mugatu

• - Hansel: So I'm rappelling down Mount Vesuvius when suddenly I slip, and I start to fall. Just falling, ahh ahh, I'll never forget the terror. When suddenly I realize 'Holy shit, Hansel, haven't you been smoking Peyote for six straight days, and couldn't some of this maybe be in your head'?
  - Derek Zoolander: And?
  - Hansel: And it was. I was... (continue)(continue reading)
  Owen Wilson - Hansel
  Ben Stiller - Derek Zoolander

• “I'm pretty sure there's a lot more to life than being really, really, ridiculously good looking. And I plan on finding out what that is.”
  Ben Stiller - Derek Zoolander

• “Mugatu is so hot right now he could take a crap, wrap it in tinfoil, put a couple fish hooks on it and sell it to Queen Elizabeth as earrings.”
  - Maury Ballstein

• “Trippin' on acid changed our whole perspective on shit!”
  Owen Wilson - Hansel

Zoolander Quotes School

Zoolander Quotes About Modeling

Maury Ballstein Quotes:

• Maury Ballstein: Mugatu is so hot right now he could take a crap, wrap it in tinfoil, put a couple fish hooks on it and sell it to Queen Elizabeth as earrings.

• Derek Zoolander: God?

  Maury Ballstein: God? What the shit are you talkin' about. It's me, Maury.

  -- Maury Ballstein

• Maury Ballstein: What do we do when we fall off the horse?

  Derek Zoolander: [thoughtfully looking up and mouthing the words silently] ... fall off the horse...

  Maury Ballstein: [looking to supply finish] ... we... get back on!

  Derek Zoolander: Sorry, Maury. I'm not a gymnast.

• Maury Ballstein: For Christ's sake it's a casserole Sheila... it'll stay!

  -- Maury Ballstein

• Maury Ballstein: I've got a prostate the size of a honeydew and a head full of bad memories.

• Maury Ballstein: You want an opinion? With a push-up bra you could have a nice rack of lamb up there.

  -- Maury Ballstein

• Maury Ballstein: The designer's got your nuts in a vice! He's offering you three percent for every pair of underwear sold! WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO!

  Kids: Screw Him! Hold out for more!

• Maury Ballstein: It's a casserole Sheila... it'll keep!

  -- Maury Ballstein

Browse more character quotes from Zoolander (2001)

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Characters on Zoolander (2001)